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What
Missionaries Ought to Know About ...
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What Missionaries Ought to know about Re-Entry
Ronald L. Koteskey
You are excited about going "home" to the country and
church that sent you to another culture as a missionary. Of course, you
will miss the people you have been ministering to while you have been in
your host country, but you begin to daydream about what it will be like
to be greeted by friends and family when you arrive home.
This is usual for everyone who has been away from home a while.
However, many times missionaries' expectations are so high that they
experience high re-entry stress. When you get "home," you may
find yourself feeling lonely, isolated, disillusioned, misunderstood,
depressed and irritated with people back home as well as with your own
culture. Let us look at how you can prevent some of these feelings by
leaving well, entering well, and being aware of some of the pitfalls in
going home.
Leaving Well
One of the things that may increase your re-entry stress is not
leaving your mission field correctly. The last part of Acts 20 gives us
a good example of missionaries leaving well. Paul had spent three years
in Ephesus and was headed back to his passport country and headquarters
in Jerusalem. Dave Pollock is fond of saying that to leave well you
should build a "RAFT," so let us see how Paul fulfilled that
acronym.
- Reconciliation. When leaving, you may try to deal with tensions in
relationships by ignoring them, hoping they will just disappear.
However, they do not. We carry them inside, and they interfere with
new relationships. If we ever spend time with the other party again,
the tensions will still be there and even harder to settle. Paul
reminded the Ephesian elders how he had lived among them the whole
time he was there and that he never even took support from them but
was always giving.
- Affirmation. Let others know how you respect and appreciate them
by telling them how important their friendship has been and how you
enjoyed working with them. As you acknowledge how people have
blessed you, you will become aware of what you have gained. Paul
commits the Ephesians to God's grace and warns them of potential
difficulties.
- Farewells. Say good-bye to people, pets, places, and possessions.
Take pictures and small reminders of the good things that have
happened to you. After Paul was done speaking, they all prayed,
wept, embraced, kissed, went to the ship, and tore themselves away.
- Think destination. While saying your good-byes, begin thinking
realistically about where you are going. Think of it as a visit to
the place you used to call home and imagine realistically what it
will be like there. Paul wanted to be in Jerusalem by the day of
Pentecost, but he also realized that there were hardships facing him
there.
One thing that is particularly difficult is being forced to leave the
field before you really want to. This can be because of health problems
in yourself or family members, difficulty with a teenager, and a host of
other things. In such cases you may have feelings of failure,
depression, discouragement, resentment, and guilt. In such cases it
helps to acknowledge your grief, face present realities, draw a healthy
line on the past, and commit yourself to the present task.
Traveling
Airplanes are wonderful for getting home in a hurry, but they provide
little time to "leave" your host country in your thinking.
There is little time to grieve your losses and anticipate your arrival
as you fly home, and sometimes you are still "traveling" in
your thinking even when your body has arrived back home. In one sense
many people are still transitioning for several days or weeks after they
arrive home. They unpack their suitcases long before they unpack their
minds.
Although Paul was in a hurry to leave to get home in time, he had
time to think as he traveled. Remember that he was covering more than
600 miles by ship at the mercy of the winds, and he had to make a
"connection" (find another ship headed his way) after the
first 200 miles. People back home may not understand and think it is
extravagant, but a week in Hawaii or in Europe on the way home is a good
way to transition more effectively.
Re-Entering Well
Of course, the first steps to re-entering well are to build a good
RAFT and give yourself some time to transition on the way home. Now you
find out if your expectations are realistic or not. Your expectations
form the basis for evaluating everything back home, and everyone has
expectations even if they deny them.
Unfortunately expectations may be based on what was true one, two or
four years ago. However, during that time everything has changed-you,
your friends and family, your church, and your culture.
- You have changed. Before you left, you drove your car to the
corner store, threw away food, and discarded plastic bags without
thinking. Now you walk half a mile, take food home from the
restaurant, and hoard bags. Paul had changed, and he told the people
in his passport country about persecuting followers of the Way,
being struck blind on the road, and then being sent to the Gentiles
(Acts 22)
- Your friends and family have changed. You used to belong to the
group, know where you fit with everyone, and friends confided in you
and listened to you. While you were gone, new people came into the
group, and your friends are involved in different activities. You
now feel like a marginal person, do not understand the jokes others
laugh at, and misinterpret some of the things they say and do.
- Your church has changed. When you left, it may have seemed to be
such a mission-minded church, but now no one seems very interested
in missions. When you try to talk about your mission experience,
people may listen politely for a few minutes, then launch into an
excited conversation about how the local football team is doing.
When Paul came home from his first term (Acts 15) of missionary
service, people from the church maintained that his converts were
not saved. At the end of Paul's third term (Acts 22) people in his
own denomination were excited. However, when he went to the big
church in town, the people basically listened politely until he
mentioned his missionary call; then they called for his death.
- Your culture has changed. Alvin Toffler wrote Future Shock to
point out that cultures now change so fast that even the people
living in them can barely keep up with the changes. People gone for
several years often return to a culture quite different from the one
they left. Something as simple as walking into a store and buying
something can be overwhelming.
Pitfalls to avoid
You will face many difficult situations. Here are some of the most
common.
- Frustration. Things will be different, and some of those
differences will be very frustrating. For example, while overseas,
your family may have been closer because there was no TV and you
home-schooled your children. Back home TV, school activities, many
church activities, sporting events, club activities, etc. will
separate family members.
- Disillusionment. You return home all excited about what you have
been doing, but everyone at home seems so apathetic. As one person
put it, "They are comatose and don't even know it."
- Judgmental. It is very easy to become critical, condemning others
in the face of their apparent apathy. You may confuse the narrower
functions of the mission agency (outreach and training for most)
with the very broad functions of your local church.
- Bitterness and Hostility. If you let these things progress far
enough, you may become bitter inside and let that express itself in
hostility toward the very people who supported you financially and
with prayer.
Suggestions for avoiding pitfalls
Pitfalls can be avoided, or at least made less disruptive to your
life and witness. Here are some suggestions.
- Grieve your losses. If you have not taken time to grieve during
leaving or traveling, take some time to do so after you arrive.
Although time will be at a premium, set aside a few minutes each day
(perhaps during your devotional time) to fully grieve what you have
left behind.
- Be honest. Do not let pride (spirituality?) keep you from sharing
your struggle with someone. Find someone(another missionary, a close
friend who will keep a confidence, a counselor who understands
missionaries, etc.) who will mentor you in adjusting to life back
home.
- Adjust to changes in ministry. Most likely you will not be doing
the same kind of ministry that you were on the mission field. What
you do may seem quite mundane in comparison. However, all avenues of
service are pleasing to God, and you can find a way to be a servant
in any local church.
- Thank your supporters. Even if you are not given the chance to
speak to all the people in your church during a service, find some
way to thank those who have helped you. Perhaps you can invite them
over for a meal you learned to prepare while in another culture and
share what God did in and through you.
- Reach out to people. Whatever you do, continue to reach out to
people as you did on the field. As you reach out, people will see
how you have changed and perhaps want to experience the same changes
in their lives.
 Ronald
Koteskey
Member Care Consultant
GO International
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